Juvilynn Arbuthnot
We visited Juvilynn in her beautiful home, which felt like a treehouse, nestled amongst the redwoods of San Rafael. Filled with treasures from the flea market and ceramics by local artists, alongside her kids’ toys and artwork, her home is a collection of beautiful keepsakes and spaces. We sipped coffee and chatted candidly about motherhood, where she told us about her rituals and daily routines before ending the day in her beautiful garden.
Tell us a little about yourself.
I am a Filipino mother of 4 (3 biological, 1 step) in Marin County. I work full-time as a stenographer. One of the silver linings of the pandemic has been the ability to do my job in a remote setting, which has allowed me to continue working full-time while raising four young children.
What are your kids' names and ages?
Soren, 3; Stella, 6; Skylar, 8; Sebastian, 12
Tell us how you start your day. What are your morning rituals?
Weekday mornings start at 6:45 a.m., and, to be honest, are pretty chaotic. There’s an assembly line vibe to things. I feel like an octopus, doing 100 things in the morning: dressing the children, starting the coffee, making breakfast and lunches, filling water bottles, remembering to give vitamins/medication, brushing hair on three kids’ heads, brushing their teeth. I have alarms set at different intervals in the morning to keep us on track in order to get to school before their bells ring. The kids are split among three schools; thankfully two are within walking distance. It’s not so much of a ritual, but I definitely look forward to and relish that moment after the last kiddo is dropped off at school for the day. I feel like I finally get back to myself.
How have your rituals changed with motherhood?
My rituals have changed in that there’s a sense of urgency to everything now; there’s not a lot of being “leisurely”. Rituals feel like a luxury these days; but I do prioritize having routines because they help things run a lot smoother in such a big household, as well as help maintain a sort of baseline of well-being.
How do flowers and nature play a role in your home?
I really love having florals and many plants around at home. We always have arrangements set on tables and shelves and all around when we have gatherings, and we’re always adding a new plant somewhere.
Are there any flowers or scents from your past that feel nostalgic or remind you of someone or a certain place, at a specific time?
The smell of gardenias reminds me of my childhood home; we used to have a gardenia bush right outside our front door, and in the springtime, the smell was just so glorious as we’d walk by them on our way to school. I remember plucking a flower or two and just sniffing the petals.
“Prioritize self-care and regular time to yourself to tend to your hobbies and passions and friendships, or simply just to relax.”
As a busy working mother of four, how do you prioritize time for yourself?
I really have to force myself to carve out time for myself. There are always a million things to do, especially as the primary manager of a household of 6 and having a full-time career. It’s easy to just stay submerged in tasks. My husband and I give each other “Me” time during the weekends when we both take half a day to ourselves. This has been so beneficial for us mentally. I also regularly make time in the evenings, at least once a week, to have happy hour/dinner with my girlfriends without my family in tow.
Motherhood comes in different forms, and you’ve been open about your experience being a stepmom. What can you tell us about this role and what it means to you?
This is a topic that still feels a bit too tender for me to discuss in detail. I think about it all the time. All I can say is that it’s a really challenging role to take on, and one that I feel doesn’t get enough credit in general. I’ve been a stepparent for ten years now, and I have grown to deeply respect all the rad stepparents out there raising kids who aren’t theirs, but treating them as if they were. I used to think it was a thankless job, but then I realized that the thanks doesn’t come in the way of actual words from outsiders or even as acknowledgment from the bio parents, but from the kids themselves, who are the most important in the equation. I tell myself that, regardless of the relationship (or lack thereof, as in our case) between the co-parents (and, yes, stepparents are a legitimate part of the co-parenting team), what matters most is that the kid(s) feel loved and cared for and included.
Your home feels so inviting and evokes a sense of calmness and warmth - where do you draw your decor inspiration from? Do you have a favorite space in your house?
Thank you. It makes me so happy when people come over and think that when visiting. We have lived in our home four years now, and most of our furniture is second-hand or inexpensive versions of what we really want. We are just trying to get through these early years of very curious, expressive, sticky little hands before we invest in really nice things. Also, we are a couple years away from a big reno, so rooms like our kitchen and bathrooms don’t reflect our (let’s be honest, MY) true desire for how I want things, but I’ve learned to fully embrace our home in its current iteration and add to it in little ways for now.
Our goal is to make it a total sanctuary, which was another byproduct of the pandemic and its months long shelter-in-place orders. We really hunkered down here during that time, so we spent all the money we had making it as warm and inviting as possible, where we could stay for long periods of time.
We are just so grateful to even have our home because we both came from very humble backgrounds, and our path to homeownership, especially in Marin County, was no easy endeavor. #IYKYK! We put everything we had into our downpayment. While that has left little to spend on furnishings in the immediate years, it’s forced us to be a lot more thoughtful about everything we bring into our home. Craigslist and FB Marketplace have been incredible sources for furniture. I also love West Coast Craft for special handmade pieces like mugs and other decor by local artisans.
As far as design inspo, I follow a ton of amazing designers on IG and draw a lot of ideas from them or Pinterest. Sarah Samuel Sherman, Athena Calderone, Colin King are favorites of mine, and I’m constantly bookmarking things on these platforms and slowly bringing forth my own style. I believe in slow homemaking and I try to stick to timeless decor and not just whatever the trendy thing is at the moment. I made that mistake in our prior apartment, where, after five years, I wanted to get rid of everything and start from scratch because it all felt too much like a snapshot of 2015 trends.
Favorite spots in our house include the back deck in the warmer months where we make it a point to bask in the sun for what we call “Sunshine Hour,” which we also started during the pandemic shutdowns. Another fav spot is our “Great Room” which has tall ceilings and big windows that overlook the gorgeous San Rafael hills. We love to sit here in the morning
“Motherhood, as rewarding as it is, is also hard and messy work, and nobody is as perfect as they portray on social media.”
Who are the mother figures in your life you look up to and why? (Your own mom, grandmother, aunt, friend)?
My mom has always been a huge influence on me. She was the first and only one of 8 children in her family to aspire to and make it to America. I owe a lot to her. Anything I accomplish in life from here is rooted in her resolve, 40 years ago, to plant us here. She ingrained independence and a solid work ethic in me, as well as generosity and strength. Another strong mother figure in my life was my mother-in-law, who passed away in 2020. I helped take care of her in her final year. She raised 6 beautiful children, mostly on her own. I really admired her aesthetic and bohemian way of life and carefree, sexy MILF spirit ;)
Any advice on motherhood?
Definitely prioritize self-care and regular time to yourself to tend to your hobbies and passions and friendships, or simply just to relax. This doesn’t have to be a whole day; even an hour here and there helps. When you take care of yourself, you’re better able to take care of others.
Also (and this is a big one for me), don’t be afraid to delegate! See if there are things your partner can take off your plate. If you’re lucky and have family around or are able to hire help, indulge in that. Don’t do everything yourself, no matter how inclined you are to want to!
Lastly, don’t let what you see on IG ever make you feel inadequate. Motherhood, as rewarding as it is, is also hard and messy work, and nobody is as perfect as they portray on social media.